Love Knots 3
Love Knot #4
If I tell you what
I want and you do it, it
doesn’t count (because I had
to tell you). If you try to guess what I want and you don’t
get it right, I get angry.
Untangled
I cannot expect you to know what I want. Nor can I expect you to do anything exactly the way I would. I can still appreciate the gift of whatever you do because you believe I would like it.
Reflection
How often have you experienced double binds in your relationships where no matter what happens, everyone loses? What happens to love in these situations?
Reflect on a time you got angry because someone didn’t do something the way you wanted. Can you also remember being on the receiving end of this double bind? What would help you appreciate others for what they do, even when it’s not done exactly the way you want?
Love Knot #5
If I let myself get
close to you, I will need you.
If I am too dependent
and need (love) you too much,
I will not be able to
survive without you.
I will become weak.
Untangled
I can enjoy being close to you, yet survive on my own if I need to. As an adult I am not helpless.
I can make a new life for myself if I have to. Meanwhile, the pleasures of intimacy are among life’s most fulfilling gifts.
Reflection
This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can you remember a situation where your fear of losing someone or something important to you led to exactly what you most feared? Sometimes fears about the future can be so powerful that we miss opportunities to experience love, happiness, pleasure, and fulfillment in the present.
What fears about the future are getting in the way of embracing the gift of closeness and connection with those who are most important in your life today?