Communication Styles 2
3. Computer
Under stress, the Computer
is the calm, cool, and very reasonable one. The Computer
expresses no feelings, and so it is difficult for them to get their needs met. The Computer
is careful to choose the right words and prefers to avoid mistakes. Inside, the Computer
decides, “I will not share my feelings, and I don’t know what to do with your feelings either.”
4. Distracter
The Distracter ignores everything: the feelings and the problem. With the Distracter, you may notice avoidance of direct eye contact and direct answers as well as changes to the subject being talked about. Inside, the Distracter feels frightened, confused, distrustful, and believes: “I don’t know what to do.”
Stress Styles keep us stuck on pain side
How often is your “style” of communication more of an issue than the issue itself? While each of us may have a primary style, we may have different styles in different relationships and situations. It’s not uncommon to be in one style and then suddenly in another, depending on the issue or other person’s reaction. These styles create emotional distance instead of closeness and understanding and can sabotage the ability to meet each other’s needs for bonding.