Fair Fight for Change Process in Ten Steps

The Fair Fight for Change is used to confide a complaint and request a change in behavior. It is a negotiation on behalf of the relationship, not against either person. Differences are a natural part of every close relationship. The fair fight process is to benefit you, your partner, and your relationship. Feeling that your partner really understands is very important. Often what lies behind a specific complaint is a request to feel heard and understood. Empathic listening is as important as sending the message. Coaching helps participants learn to stay on track, clearly focus on one specific issue (that’s open to negotiation), voice their inner dialogue, and develop comfort with the process.

Especially when dealing with differences, it’s important to stay grounded with goodwill, empathy, openness to learning, and negotiating solutions that will help your relationship succeed. Often, the price someone pays for getting what they want may be to sabotage far more meaningful dreams. It’s helpful to agree ahead of time that if you’re in a Fair Fight for Change and you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, you can call “Time-Out” for 20-40 minutes to give yourself a chance to calm down, relax, and then return to each other in touch with what’s most important to you, able to confide, listen with empathy, and find answers that work for your relationship.