When learning something new, we all start out in a stage of Unconscious Incompetence: we don’t know what we don’t know. A goal of PAIRS Essentials is to reach the stage of Unconscious Competence, where the skills you learn become habits. Conscious Incompetence, is about becoming aware that there are things that we are starting to discover that we didn’t know. Conscious Competence is where we can often become open to learning because we recognize there are things that we didn’t know that can make a difference. Conscious competence is what we’re going to do a lot of in our time together. 

Getting to the final level, the level of unconscious competence, is about giving ourselves the chance to develop new habits. Learning about relationship dynamics and the attitudes and skills that contribute to happy, lasting relationships will help you become aware that there may be things you’re doing -- or not doing -- that are preventing you from experiencing the level of love, connection, and fulfillment you most want. Developing new habits requires deciding what you want to change, changing it, and sustaining the change under stress. Patience is vital.