Invitation Rule
PAIRS Invitation Rule
The skills you are learning require an understanding about the differences between yourself and your partner. Recognize that one person in the relationship may be eager to use a newly learned skill, but that does not always guarantee that the other person is in agreement about the use of the skill at the same moment.
The PAIRS Invitation Rule
recognizes that each person has the right to decide about participating in exercises at any given time. PAIRS
tools work best when both people choose to participate
with goodwill.
The PAIRS Invitation Rule
is: always invite your partner to use or practice any of the tools; Never inflict a skill on your partner.
Some examples are:
- Would you be willing to listen to me as I talk about what happened with my mother today? Is this a good time for you?
- Is now a good time for you to do the Daily Temperature Reading with me?
Inviting your partner
to participate in an exercise is a sign of respect. No one likes to be told what to do. No one responds well to demands for attention. By showing respect
for your partner, goodwill
and trust
will grow in your relationship.