Confiding a Concern
Confiding about a Complaint or Concern
- Make sure you have enough time to give your undivided attention for a minimum of 10 to 15 minutes. Be fully present without distractions, with goodwill and empathy for each other.
- If you are the Speaker, use short sentences your partner can repeat back easily. Be aware of the intention behind your communication.
- As the Listener, repeat what you heard your partner say without exaggerating, adding comments, distorting, or giving advice. Talking Tips is not a conversation; the Listener’s role is to listen to understand and let the Speaker know that the message you are receiving is the message the Speaker intends. Listening to understand another person’s perspective and feelings -- whether or not you see and feel the same way -- is a gift to the relationship.
- Use non-verbal cues such as nodding your head and making eye contact to show you are listening and that you understand. If facial expressions and body language communicate something different than the words, the words will not feel authentic.
- Validate the Speaker. The Listener’s job is to help the speaker feel understood, not to agree, comment, judge, try to fix the problem, or get into a discussion.
- After completing Talking Tips, you can discuss the issue, reverse roles, or simply complete the exercise with appreciation for the information, awareness, perspective, and understanding.